pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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