it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
