I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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