There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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