Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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