We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
