if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
