wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
