wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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