If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
