fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
