FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
