She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
