I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
