somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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