You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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