I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
