Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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