I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
