we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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