Quick, to the slutcave!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
