i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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