Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
