tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Randomize
