Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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