what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
