well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize