Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
