Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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