i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
