dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
