Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize