I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
