Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
