in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
