Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
