I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
