I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
