i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
