Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
