Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
