I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
