the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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