i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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