My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
