Me. At least after what I've been through.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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