i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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