Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
