omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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