Don't you send me to vm
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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