I hate all girls vehemently.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
