Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
