According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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