It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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