Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
