Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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