I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize