Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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