I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Help. Why am I so naked?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
