i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
