Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
