I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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