she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
honey bunches of taint.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
