we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
