I puked a lego.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
