What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
