I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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