True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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