I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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