I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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