Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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